everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think your dad took our porno
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
