either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
