So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
