so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
