She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
