guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
