So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
