you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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