why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
