where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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