I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
