i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
