I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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