Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
