I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
