Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
