i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
