Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
