Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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