It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My vagina is officially offended.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
please don't ironically join a cult
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