I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
