So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
