Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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