I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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