I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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