So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
