my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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