I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
