My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
