R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
