Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
