I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
