Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
