Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
