so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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