question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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