is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
