He disabled his match.com account in front of me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
