I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
