Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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