Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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