My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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