sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
