a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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