Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
