I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
