Please, let me fuck your mom
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
