she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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