I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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