Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
