My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
