Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
