they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
