True but thats because hes a fetus.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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