Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And then my night got REAL pukey
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
