Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
