Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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