her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
